


Desperation for Comfort

by uncle_keery



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Bisexual Steve Harrington, Coming Out, Confused Steve Harrington, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, First Dates, Gay Billy Hargrove, Good Babysitter Steve Harrington, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sexuality Crisis, billy is nice, billy is out of character oops, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-08-23 17:42:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16623503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uncle_keery/pseuds/uncle_keery
Summary: Being fed up of being friendless and finding comfort in preteens Steve decides to give it a shot, despite the judgmental looks and glares he receives by the party. Steve has to ask himself, is he lonely or does he actually like Billy?





	1. Town Fair

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first fic ever so any criticism to help improve my writing/story is welcome!:) I don't know where this story is going but i'm excited to explore, i am using prompts for each chapter to help me think of ideas and this chapters prompt was "I did it". I hope you enjoy!:)  
> (This is also un edited so i apologize!)  
> Steve POV

It’s been 4 months since the upside down and its monsters made an appearance. Everyone was praying that the gate was closed for good, they didn’t know for certain but they all clinged on the hope of returning back to a normal life. Steve wasn’t affected as badly as some in the party so he always dismissed his occasional nightmares as nothing because other people had it worse, right? He didn’t even experience that much of the upside down so obviously he shouldn’t be the one complaining, right? 

Steve’s nightmares have been getting worse and more frequent. Instead of 1 every 2 weeks they have been increasingly vivid and almost every other day. He just thought that he will be over it soon enough, it gets worse before it gets better. Maybe it just gets worse and worse. 

Steve sighed and rolled up to sit at the side of his bed. He hated that the first things on his mind were always so negative and dark topics, he usually lets that ruin his day but today he actually wanted to have some fun. He is driving the party to the local fair. Fairs haven't been such a big deal or of this scale in Hawkins before. The new mayor wanted a fun town get together to brighten everyone's mood for the beginning of spring. Steve thought that the mayor just wanted to make money but hey it could be a fun and good day. Steve glanced over to his clock. 7:15. He didn’t have to be anywhere for another 6 hours so he decided to get ready and pick up around his empty house. 

As he was cleaning up the nest he has been making in his living room Dustin started to call for Steve through his radio. Dustin gave it to him on christmas, even though it was used and older Steve really appreciated it.

“Hello..? Steve..? You there? Over.”

Steve peeled the sofa cushions to find that it feel between the cracks.

“Hey im here” Steve paused almost forgetting to say over “Over”

“Where are you? It’s almost 12:30, I don’t want to be late. Over.”

Steve laughed “Yeah yeah buddy i’m on my way. Over”

“You better be. Over and Out.”

Steve really got a kick on how blunt and borderline disrespectful Dustin can be but he really didn’t mind it, he thought it was funny and enjoyable to be around. Most of the time. Steve hasn’t had a variety of personalities in his life and the party made him feel happier and less alone. He hasn’t tried to make new friends after he left the party scene and after Nancy dumped him. Nancy and Jonathan and him are on good terms but they only really run into each other because of the party. Steve snaps back into focus while he’s driving. He hates doing that while the kids are in the car because he doesn’t want to cause an accident but when he drives alone he doesn’t care at all. 

Dustin was excited to see him or at least excited to go to the fair and see everyone but he made Steve smile. He chuckled to himself that he is practically a parent to the whole squad of kids. He doesn’t know if it’s because he gets paid or if he just needs people to be around but he tries not to think about it. Today is supposed to be a good day.

“Hey, do I need to pick up Max too?” Steve said looking back to the full backseat.

Lucas quickly added “No, she’s getting a ride from Billy”

It might have been that Steve interrupted the conversation the kids were having or that Lucas mentioned Billy but the whole car went silent. 

Before he could even park the kids jumped out of the car and rushed to the games section. He kind of thought that they might be interested in the bouncy castles, slides or rock walls but c'mon he knew them better than that. He tried to catch up to the group quickly before they started any mischief but also trying not to run after them. He looked around the parking lot at just the right moment to see the blue camaro park. Max got out and quickly noticed him and skated over. What caught his eye is that Billy got out too. He wouldn’t imagine that this is Billy’s scene but i guess he’s here. The thought of running into him made him anxious but he didn’t give into that.

“Hey Steve!” Max greeted him as she stopped her skateboard, Steve could feel Billy’s attention to him.

“Hey Max, the party is over there” He pointed straight ahead, He didn’t actually see them yet but he knew the general direction.

Max picked up her skateboard and starting running forward into the crowd. He looked back to see if Billy and his car were still there, the car was still there and Billy vanished. Steve sighed, he really didn’t want to encounter Billy today. He wanted to enjoy today and not deal with Billy’s remarks. As he was catching up to the pack of kids he saw Dustin running towards him.

“Hey hey hey, woa-” Steve started to be a little worried

“I did it! I did it, Steve!!” Dustin cheered while holding up a huge yoda plushie to show Steve.

“Hell yeah, man! How’d you win that?” Steve smiled at him

“That game where you shoot water at a target. Do you mind if you can keep track of it for me?” 

Before Steve could say anything in return Dustin pushed the plushie into his face and ran off again. Steve made a small sigh before looking around at the different types of games. He was supposed to babysit the kids and keep track of them but they were honestly too old for babysitting, he was realistically just their chauffeur. It made his sad knowing that he wasn’t exactly invited to hang out with them during the fair. He walked over to the empty row of basketball hoops, is no one in this town into sports? He set down the yoda plushie on the ground next to him and inserted a quarter into the machine and started throwing the balls into the baskets or so he thought he could do. He was missing almost all the shots. 

“Tuck your elbows in” a familiar voice said behind him

Steve looked back to see Billy standing a couple feet away. Billy moved to the machine next to him and started throwing the balls into the hoops before he could say anything. Billy made every single one. He was kind of shocked, not that Billy was athletic but that he was giving him advice without adding on insults or teases. 

“Now your turn, pretty boy” Billy turned and smirked at him, making Steve a little bit flustered.

Steve tried again, the beginning was a little rough because Billy staring him down made him nervous. He tried to pick up on Billy’s advice. He wanted to object and tell him to screw off but Steve was trying not to ruin his mood today. He was just tired of fighting and making things more difficult than they needed to be, so he obeyed. To his surprise he picked up on the advice fairly easily and made more shots than he missed. He was kind of proud of himself for some reason and smiled. He turned his head to look at Billy who was also smiling.

“Do you want to vs?” He could see the competitive look in Billy’s eyes.

“Oh, you’re on tough guy.” 

He quickly turned to the machine to put more quarters in and pressed the ‘opponent’ button at the same time Billy did. He smiled when the balls came back down. He was having fun, with Billy? At this point Steve didn’t care who he was with or what they were doing, some competition and company was comfortating. He could get used to this. 

It was no surprise to either of them that Billy won but what did surprise them was that he won by 3 more points.

“Wow, I didn’t know you had it in you. You should pull that out during practice.” Billy softly chuckled and smiled at Steve.

Steve was kind of dumbfounded that Billy was still being nice.

“Wanna go again?” Billy urged, already in the motion to put another quarter in

“Just for you to lose? I'm down.” Steve teased, he didn’t expect Billy to laugh at that but when he did Steve smiled bigger.

They played for what it seemed to be hours, their arms were tired and they were beginning to sweat. Billy called it first.

“Jesus, Harrington seriously why don’t you bring out that on the court?” Billy said out of breath

“They’re just free throws” Steve laughed “It’s not like i have running stamina like you” They both laughed at that.

I felt nice that he finally is getting along and having fun with someone his age for once. 

“Dude i’m starving” Billy said it in a very friendly way, but still made one of Steve eyebrow shoot up in question.

He didn’t think that Billy was enjoying his company as well, they are acting as is they have been friends for awhile. They were extremely far from friends, Steve didn’t even think he could actually hold a conversation or even be in the presence of Billy without feeling like shit. The last time they actually talked was last December. Steve and Billy were in the parking lot the night of the snowball waiting to pick up the party and Billy had apologized to him, Billy didn’t explain why or have any excuses he just said he was deeply sorry. Steve didn’t believe him but Billy’s expression felt sorry enough but Billy still picked on him during practice afterword.

“I think there’s a food court around here somewhere” He looked up and down the stretch of game tents to see at the end there were a bunch of outside tables “Hey I think it’s down there” He reached down to pick up the yoda off the ground and Billy started laughing

“I didn’t notice you had that” Billy tried to get out in between laughs

“Hey, calm down there it’s just Dustin’s” he said quickly in defence but also with a chuckle.

“Mhm, okay sure.” more laughter between the two of them as they started walking towards the end where the food court was.

Steve looked up at the sky “Oh wow it’s getting dark already, do you know what time it is?” He asked Billy hoping he wasn’t going to take a stab at him. Billy looked down at his wrist to his watch that read “It’s 5:46”

Steve groaned “Ugh, I have to drive those brats home by 6, raincheck?” He added raincheck in a friendly and polite way but for some reason it looked like it made Billy.. Blush?  
“Oh so you weren’t kidding about cheap ass plushie being Dustin’s? Aren’t they too old for a babysitter?” Steve almost felt like Billy was deflecting the raincheck question

“Eh, probably yeah but hey extra cash” Steve now stopped in the middle of the dying fair, looking around for the kids finding them sitting on a couple of benches eating ice cream cones.

“That’s definitely a plus” Billy softly said

“Hey man, uh, it was fun hanging out with you today” Steve tried everything he could not to look like an idiot 

There was a small pause and Billy looked at him “Yeah me too, Harrington.” 

They were both looking into eachothers eyes and not saying anything, before the silent became too uncomfortable Billy broke it by saying “Hey when you’re over there can you tell Max im leaving?” 

“Yeah sure thing” Steve said it a bit faster than he’d like but Billy’s expression didn’t change so he didn’t think he screwed up quite yet

“Thanks man, i’ll cya around” Billy said while winking at him and turning to leave

Steve was almost speechless but he was able to pull out a “Cya” before Billy got too far away. Steve watched him leave a second and then remembered the kids.

“What’s up squirts?” Steve greeted to the group while throwing the yoda at Dustin for him to catch “You guys done with your ice cream? It’s time to head out.” The party groaned 

“Just one more game? Please!” Dustin whined and trying to give Steve puppy dogs eyes but it didn’t work.

“No sorry man I don’t make the rules, it’s time to head out. Oh yeah, Max” he turned to face max “Billy said he’s leaving so i’d leave now if you want a ride from him” There was an obvious confused look on her face as to why Steve and Billy even talked to each other but she didn’t question it because she was gon in a flash on her skateboard.

The rest of the party were giving him the same look Max did but their look was a little more terrified.

“You talked to Billy? What’d he say?” Mike quickly asked

Steve gave Mike an almost dumb look showing him that was a dumb question “Obviously, and just that message to max” He lied but he felt like he hid it well  
“Seriously? Did he hit you or threaten you again? I thought Max told him to stay away” Dustin trailed on but with genuine worry in his voice

“Woah calm down there mister, he played nice but it doesn’t matter. What does matter is getting you twerps home on time, cmon lets go.” Steve turned a walked without seeing the kids get up, if felt like he was deflecting but he thought he didn’t look like he was hiding something. He wasn’t.

The drive home was almost perfect, the kids forgot the mention of Billy and continued on talking about DnD and today. Steve smiled, he was happy that they had a good time and he was happy he also had a good day. A good enough day that time slipped away. He was glad that Dustin didn’t mention Billy again, not that he had anything to hide really but he just knew how Dustin would react if he told him he hung out with him and actually enjoyed it but it’s not like it will happen again. 

Steve finally plopped on his bed, tired as hell despite it only being 6:40. God his arms hurt, he wonders why he didn’t stop sooner or how he ignored the pain but he was hoping that most of the soreness would go away by tomorrow and wouldn’t last longer than a couple of days. Before he knew it he was asleep, it was one of the best nights of rest he has had in awhile.


	2. Stalled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week after Billy and Steve's last encounter, Steve still has Billy on his mind. Steve is going through a rough time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Steve pov  
> -unedited oops

Steve is alone in the locker room showers, it feels strange by the lack of other boys in the room but it’s a nice feeling a privacy. Closing his eyes for a second to wash away the rest of the shampoo in his hair. The water is turned off and he opens his eyes to Billy standing in front of him, giving him what has to be the dirtiest look he’s seen on that boys face. 

“Hey there pretty boy” Billy smiles with his teeth and steps closer into Steve’s personally space. 

Steve stumbles back a couple of steps to have his back suddenly pressed against the tile wall. He feels trapped, his stomach is starting to turn with nerves and he’s starting to develop short breathes. Steve almost feels like he wants to run but the look on Billy’s face isn’t anger, Billy is looking at him as if he wants to tear him apart but not in the way Steve initially thought. Steve tries to break eye contact with the other boy to spare him looking like a flustered mess, his eyes try to focus on the room behind him but they trail down to Billy’s bare chest slowly trailing down to- Billy steps closer to him completely ignoring personal space.

“You like what you see?” Billy speaks slowly and low into Steves ear. Steve gulped and face turns red trying to get out words that he is trying to say ‘yes’ but nothing comes out, their bodies so close to touching. Billy pulls back to look Steve in the face and glancing down at his lips. Steve does to same, He can’t help to feel like shooting forward and making their lips collide. The space between them is small and hot making it incredibly hard for Steve to breathe. Billy grabs both of Steve’s wrists and pins them above his head. Steve feels like he just had to wind knocked out of him, Billy pushes forward making their bodies touch, pinning Steve harder into the wall. Steve couldn’t help to make a grunting sound that resembled a moan. Steve looks up at the ceiling trying to gain full consciousness as if he feels drunk because of Billy. Billy puts both of Steve’s wrists in left hand, freeing his right. “..because i sure like what i see” Billy whispered while taking Steves chin, pulling his face down to face Billy. Steve’s mouth is wide open staring at Billy’s too pink to be real lips. Billy starts to slowly close the gap between them-

“Steve! Hello? Steve are you there!?” Dustin’s voice yells through the old radio that is conveniently next to him on the coffee table. He doesn’t know exactly why, maybe because there’s a tv in the room but Steve prefers to sleep in the living room if he can. He snaps into consciousness by being startled by the radio that has the volume up all the way. Steve turned it up so then he could hear them if they needed anything but now he regrets it. He groans as he sits up and reaches for the radio.

“Yeah hey i’m here” “Over” Steve sounds tired and grumpy he doesn’t mean to be but he can’t help it.

“Were you sleeping? It’s almost 2 Steve. Over” Shit, 

“I’ll be over in 10, Over” Steve jumped up and hurried to the bathroom to get ready, he completely forgot that Saturdays were arcade days. He was suddenly reminded of him drinking last night by the painful headache that stopped him in his tracks. “Fuck” he uttered. He hoped that 4 Advil and water would do the trick because he knew that Dustin was going to bitch his head off.

On the way over to the Wheeler house where the party was all together for early morning DnD he couldn’t help to drift off in his thoughts again. When Steve remembered his dream he had about Billy he slammed on his breaks. ‘Holy fuck. What the fuck, what the fuck?’ His mind started to race a million miles a minute. Did that actually happen? Did he actually enjoy it? Why would he dream of such a thing? Why did it feel so good? Why Billy? Why.. a guy…? He started to panic when he reminded himself he was already late picking up the kids. Steve took several deep breaths before trying to start his car again. Nothing, “Oh fuck, fuck! Don’t die on me, please! Fuck!”. He was already late and he stalled his fucking car. He looked up to notice that he was actually 2 doors down from the Wheeler's house. He sighed in relief, maybe someone there could help him with his car. He might look like an idiot but he doesn’t want to be any later.

While he was starting to walk to the front door Billy pulled up behind him. Billy killed the engine and stepped out, walking to the front door right behind steve. 

“Where’s your car, pretty boy?” There wasn't any venom in his words which still surprises Steve each time. It’s been a week since the fair and Billy hasn’t been mean to him. Once. It confused the fuck out of Steve, that dream confused the fuck out of Steve. He started thinking what if Billy could tell? Would he beat him up again? Tell the whole school? The last thing Steve wants is his last months of high school be even more hell.

“Oh, uh, it’s a few doors down” Steve said while turning around and facing Billy. Since the front lawn of the Wheelers is like a hill Billy towered over Steve. This made him even more flustered to look at him, Billy’s bare chest was in his face.

“Why?” Billy walked down the lawn to level out with Steve, which he really appreciates but now he has to avoid Billy’s god damn lips. It didn’t seem to be a hard task but it was all that was on his mind. Don’t look down.

“I um. Uh, I stalled it” Steve looked down at Billy's chest and then quickly as the ground, trying to not have any hints show to Billy.

Billy started to laugh, hard. Steve looked up at him with a smile and started laughing too. “Yeah yeah, i guess it's pretty funny but now i can’t start it.”

“So, you’re here picking up the twerps and you can’t even start your fucking car?” Billy started to laugh harder. His laughter died down before looking back up at Steve with a small pause “Do you want me to fix it for you?” Billy asked as he tried to latch onto eye contact with Steve. Steve still having a hard time with even looking at him suddenly looks directly at him with a confused and shocked face.

“You’d do that? I mean i don’t think there is anything that bad with it, you don’t have to. I was hoping that it would start up again when we leave” He started walking towards the door again and knocked, Billy stood right next to him. “I mean yeah, if your car doesn’t work i’d have to drive them myself, I only really have room for max.”

Mrs.Wheeler answered the door and smiled widely at the two of them, mostly looking at Billy. 

“Hey Mrs.Wheeler, can you tell the kids that i’m here? I’ll be out by my car waiting.” Steve almost rushed through the sentence so then she couldn’t ask any questions about his car. He didn’t want her to worry and he also wanted to keep his semi job reputation in tact.

“Sure thing Steve, they continued their game so i’ll tell them to wrap it up, hopefully it won’t take long.” Steve doesn’t know why but he thinks she is a bitch, maybe it’s because of the fake happy preppy mom stereotype but she makes me him that everything she says is fake or insincere, like she's mocking him. He shrugs it off knowing he’s thinking about it too much. 

“Thank you” Steve starts to turn and walk away when Mrs.Wheeler asks “Billy would you like to come in? I just made some brownies, would you like one?” Steve could see the look on her face, it kind of reminded him of himself. How it was hard for his eyes to peel away from Billy’s perfect body or lips but he wasn’t so obvious about it. The way that she tried to flirt with Billy made Steve sick. He told himself it wasn’t jealousy, how could and why would he be jealous over Billy?

“Oh, no but thank you. I’ll be out by my car as well.” Billy smirked. That made Steve even more sick that Billy was feeding into it. Maybe he’s just playing along and not actually interested in Mrs.Wheeler but Steve couldn’t help but to think about what if Billy look at him like that- He shook the thought and start walking back to his car not paying attention if Billy was next to him. 

“Hand me your keys.” Billy held out his hand. Steve hesitated, almost forgetting that his car didn’t start and that Billy offered to help. Billy really did start the new year on a new leaf huh?

Steve was leaning on the open driver’s side door looking at Billy trying to start his car. It was kind of funny looking at Billy in the driver’s seat in a car that wasn’t his, it certainly didn’t fit him. It was kind of funny to look at. 

“Did you notice how she looked at you?” Steve asked but immediately wanted to take it back. Of course Billy noticed, is he stupid? He didn’t want Billy to start thinking he was jealous, fuck he fucked this up now Billy is going to hate him. He doesn’t know why he is afraid of losing the very small friendship they started but it was his only friendship. 

Billy snorted “Oh yeah, it’s honestly hilarious but i also kind of feel bad for her” Billy started to chuckle “It’s not like i’d smash her or anything, she isn’t really my type, but its funny to see how far she’ll just flirt publicly. It’s also sad cause her sex life must be horrendous if she is flirting with some kid on her porch” That last comment got Steve and they both shared a genuine laugh. Wait- ‘isn’t really my type’ did Billy mean- The BMW’s engine interrupted his thought as it came back to life.

“Ah ha! There we go” Billy cheered looking up at Steve, Billy got out of the car but Steve didn’t move making Billy stand up in his personal space. They stared at each other for what felt to be too long.

“Thanks” Steve managed to choked out without sounding too off. “Anytime princess” Billy smirked and looked down at Steve’s lips and back at his eyes Billy’s smile grew wider. Steve felt star struck, he couldn’t move a muscle. Billy winked at him and side stepped out of Steve face to walk back to his car while he threw Steve’s keys in the air in front of him “Think fast pretty boy”. Steve never reacted to Billy calling ‘pretty boy’ but this time it obviously flustered him. He was a second too late to snap fully back out of the dizziness trance he was in. He tried to catch the keys but he fumbled them a couple times before they hit the pavement. Billy chuckled not looking back. Steve sighed as he picked up his keys off the ground.

“Wait. What if it won’t start again?” Steve wasn’t quite yelling but he wasn’t exactly using an ‘inside voice’. Billy didn’t turn around “It will.” Billy responded almost too quiet to hear.

Sure enough Steve’s car turned on without a problem and worked with no issues. He wonders if the problem was so painfully obvious or stupid that it made Steve look like an idiot to Billy? Steve sighed audibly, he forgot he had the whole party in his car. Shit. He didn’t want to look like there was anything wrong or upsetting him, there wasn’t he was just over thinking things that he should think about in the first place. Luckily the backseat didn’t skip a beat but Dustin wasn’t apart of the conversation and looked at Steve. Steve didn’t look at him, he didn’t want to see what kind of expression Dustin was making and he didn’t want to explain whatever he was thinking, he already knew he was over thinking and shouldn’t worry about it. Shouldn’t be worrying about what Billy thinks of him.

They arrived at the arcade in a blink of an eye. Steve’s perception of time is seriously slipping from him. Steve parked the car and all of the kids got out and rushed inside of the arcade meeting up with Max that was waiting at the door for the boys. Good he thought to himself, Billy has already been here, he’s not going to run into him again.

“Steve?” Dustin still sitting in the passenger seat paying full attention to him. 

“Hmm?” Steve looked to Dustin. 

“Are you okay? You seem.. Upset?” Dustin was trying to be as sincere and kind as possible, Steve appreciated that but still didn’t want Dustin knowing anything that was going on inside his head.

“Yeah of course why wouldn’t i be?” Steve sported a smile to convince Dustin but it didn’t seem to work so Steve just relaxed his face again.

“You know you can talk to me right?” Dustin turned his body more towards Steve. 

“Didn’t you want to go to the arcade? Everyone is already inside” Steve deflected, trying to make Dustin leave before he could say or admit anything stupid. He took a deep breath “I’m fine, seriously i’m doing good. I’m not going to talk to some 13 year old about it” Oh no, Steve immediately felt sorry. Those words felt harsh and he didn’t mean it to come out that way.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me about it” Dustin furrowed his eyebrows and started to get out of the car.

“Wait man, I-” Dustin closed the car door and started to walk inside the arcade.

Are you serious? You’ve got to be kidding me? He pissed off the only person in this town that actually likes him. It’s not like Dustin needs him or anything, he has plenty of friends, Dustin could just replace him. Steve felt like shit, he’s constantly belittling and putting himself down. He knew he could try to look on the bright side and lift himself up but he just felt stuck because he knew his thoughts were true. He was alone. No one cared for him, sure maybe people might offer a sympathetic look and say they do but Steve never believed them. His parents were always gone, they send him letters and try to call every once in a while but he doesn’t feel loved. His own home doesn’t feel like home to him. He doesn't feel like he belongs here, now that he thinks he might be queer he doesn’t feel like he could belong anywhere. His thoughts spiralled out of control and before he could notice his was crying. Not the silent tears he could try to hold back like he’s used to. The uncontrollable kind, the messy and ugly kind.

It took him a second to catch his breath so he could look around the parking lot to see if anyone saw him. Thankfully his car wasn’t park towards the building so no one could see his face. Steve threw his car into gear and drove off. He just needed to be alone, he always figures everything out on his own. As he was driving home he didn’t notice the blue camaro tagging not far behind him.


	3. Cool as Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve ran from his problems but crying and something else helped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “ I can’t stand the thought of losing you. ”  
> unedited again oops

Steve realized he still needs to pick up the party at 6, he can’t go home and drink his problems away. That wouldn’t make himself a very good babysitter now would it? Steve chuckled through sniffing away his tears. There's not many places he could go and be completely alone besides the forest. He knew he would get lost in there but another place is the quarry. If he was lucky and there was no one there on a saturday afternoon he could just sit on the hood of his car and cloud gaze until his thoughts and problems went away, hopefully. 

The quarry was completely empty, Steve thought that this was a good hang out spot. Everyone probably stopped hanging out around here since the police found a body below but he didn’t know because he hasn’t hung out with anyone from school in almost 2 years. Steve sighed as he got out of his car to lay on the hood. The top of the quarry has always been dangerous but now the edge of the cliff has been fenced off and Steve glad about that.

Steve was lost in his mind, he didn’t know exactly what he was thinking of or about he just knew he wasn’t fully in touch with reality or time. He could see the clouds move fast above him but he didn’t notice the steady stream of silent tears he was producing. 

“Do you think that cloud looks like an elephant? I think it does.” Billy suggested while pointing up at the sky.

Steve snapped back and looked to his left to see that Billy car was parked a couple feet away from his and Billy was laying on the camaro's hood. When did he get here? How did i not hear or notice him? Has he been talking to me this whole time? Why was he here? 

He looked back up at the sky following where Billy was pointing. The cloud looked nothing like an elephant and it made Steve scoff. “Uh, what? How?”

“No, no, no, not that one” Billy tries to point at the sky to show him “The one at the top, cmon it looks exactly like one” Billy turned to look at Steve.

Steve tried again and harder to look for the cloud but nothing in his mind looks like a bloody elephant. Steve chuckles “Nope, can’t see it” Steve was still looking up at the sky trying to find the cloud Billy was talking about when Billy got up from his car hood and walked over to sit next to Steve. Steve was a startled.

“Woah woah, it’s okay i’m not going to bite. Here sit up” Billy gestured his hand as support. Steve took it, he knew better to try and trust his support on the basketball court but, here it felt different. When he sat up Billy didn’t let go of his hand, Billy quickly grabbed his attention away from the fact.

“See? Can you see it now?” Billy pointed at the sky again but leaned closer to Steve so then he could try and follow his eye line better. Steve smiled, how could have missed it? It looks to be upside down but now that Billy pointed it out it seems obvious.

“Oh shit, I think i must be going blind or something” Steve began to softly laugh but when Billy joined in he laughed audibly. 

“Do you see anything else?” Billy asked as he looked back at Steve with a soft look and then back up to the sky. Billy fell back now laying on the hood focus still on the sky. Steve looked down at him and then to their hands. His heart started to speed up and hand started to sweat, Steve thought Billy noticed this because he could see the smile that crept onto Billy's face. Steve quickly changed his attention to the sky to find a shape or animal or anything but his thoughts were consumed by the boy next to him, he couldn’t think. I felt awkward that Steve was still sitting up so he decided to lay down next to Billy. Their hands were still intertwined. Did Billy forget to let go? What would Billy do if he noticed that he was still holding his hand? Wait, Billy isn’t stupid. Did.. Billy know what he was doing? This thought made Steve’s breaths shorter and his stomach twist. He really didn’t want to freak Billy out so he tried to focus on his breathing and counting.

“If i’m being honest, i don’t see anything” Steve tried his hardest to keep his voice level but he failed. Steve turned his head to face Billy’s which was closer than he thought it was and froze. Billy and Steve were staring at each other. God, Steve never thought he saw anything more beautiful than the blue of Billy’s eyes. They weren’t completely blue he had some brown and a tiny bit of green mixed into the blue around the edges and center of his eyes. Steve didn’t know where his mind was trailing off to, but it was inside of those eyes. Billy’s blank expression turned into a pressed smile as he let go of his hand on Steve’s. He turned his body to his side and propped his head with his new free hand, making the gap between the two of them smaller. 

“What do you see now?” Billy asked in a low husky voice. Steve’s mouth moved open but he couldn’t think as to what to say. Billy licked his lips and Steve’s eyes darted down to look. Billy his free hand grabbed Steve’s chin with a pinch guiding his gaze back to his eyes. Steve couldn’t speak, his mouth was hanging open like an idiot, he had to say something, anything.

“Am I dreaming?” Steve uttered. Billy scoffed and Steve felt Billy’s breath on his face. Billy picked up his thumb and touched Steve’s bottom lip, he pulled it down while slowly moving his thumb across. Steve was dizzy and didn’t know where to look. “No” Billy softly said while moving closer to Steve. Steve felt like his heart was going to burst. Billy closed his eyes and softly pressed his lips against Steve’s. Steve never felt anything like this before, it felt amazing, it felt good. Steve quickly turned on his side and reached up to grab onto the back of Billy’s neck, pressing harder into the kiss, speeding it up and making it messy. Steve got the wind knocked out of him when Billy moved to pin Steve against his own hood, Billy above him, now straddling him. Steve moaned when he felt the pressure of Billy against his cock. Billy bent down to whisper into Steve’s ears. “Want to go somewhere more private?” Billy purred into Steves ears. “Th- the backseat?”. Billy got off of Steve and the hood of the car quickly and started to walk to the back of the car. Steve couldn’t help to stare at him. At everything. Billy’s red lips, his perfect chest that peaked out of his open shirt, he couldn’t clearly see Billy’s abs but he knew they were there. He followed down to his groin to see that Steve wasn’t the only one that had a hard on, when he couldn’t see the front of him Steve admired the back, Billy’s broad shoulders, down to his ass. Steve never looked at Billy’s ass before now, how did he not notice how round it was or how tight Billy’s jeans are on him. “Are you going to stare at me all day or are you going to get in?” Billy sounded impatient, Steve quickly jumped off of the hood and stumbled in front of Billy, not knowing exactly exactly what to do. Billy guides Steves chest forward and pushes him down in the back seat. Steve has never been manhandled before but he knows he likes it, a lot. Steve slides up further into the car making room for Billy. Billy slides in on top of Steve while closing the door with his boot behind him shaking the car. Billy grabs the back of Steve’s neck and pins Steve into a kiss, this time Billy isn’t so sweet. 

They had been making out in the back of Steve’s car for what felt like to him as at least 30 minutes. Steve didn’t care about the time, he didn’t care about anything other than what he was doing right now. Billy clouded over Steve’s whole being, all he could think about was how Billy tasted of strawberries and cigarettes, how he felt like a perfect marble statue when his hands felt his chest and how amazing it felt each time Billy’s hips thrusted and pressed against Steve’s cock through his jeans. He’s never felt more restricted by his jeans more than now, he swears he could probably just cum untouched like some middle schooler at any moment. Steve has made out with a lot of girls in his past but none of those girls could remotely compare to how good and intense this felt with a boy. Steve could hardly think as it was but he tried to not have that on his mind. He didn’t care if people thought it was wrong or a ‘curse’, it felt amazing, it made Steve feel good, better than he has been in a very long time. Billy broke the kiss and started to kiss Steve’s jaw line and down to his neck, sucking and biting as he went. Billy made it down to his collarbone and started working on making more and darker hickies. Steve felt dizzy, he didn’t know where to look or what to do with his hands. He looked around the car slowly coming back to reality. Steve looked down at his hands that were on Billy’s back and then to his watch. 6:46pm. Steve quickly sat up against the door pushing Billy off but not too hard.

“Fuck” Steve muttered “Fuck, Fuck Fuck!!” each fuck getting louder.

“Hey woah, what’s wrong?” Billy didn’t look upset but he offered Steve kind eyes. “Did I-”

“No no no, it’s not you.” Steve interrupted Billy while sitting up more moving to get out of the car. “I’m late, like really late. It’s 6:46” Billy shared the same worried look but not as intense as Steve’s. Billy got a kick out of seeing Steve flustered, he’s been seeing it a lot today. Steve got out of the back seat door of the passenger side walking around the car. Billy got out on the other side. Steve went to reach for the handle of the driver’s door when Billy hooked his finger through Steve’s belt loop and tugged him closer, pinning Steve against his own car.

“Hey calm down there, pretty boy. Don’t go too fast, you’ll kill yourself.” Billy smirked but had some worry in his voice. Steve looked down at Billy’s lips and then back up to his eyes, Steve smiled.

“I guess i'll have to call another raincheck, huh?” Steve tried to play along as if he wasn’t about to get yelled at by a bunch of kids or even worse their parents. Billy leaned forward to softly kiss Steve “You bet”. Billy then quickly turned and hopped into his car and drove off before Steve could even turn his on. He really hoped he hasn’t fucked up, both with Billy and the kids.

“Steve! Where the hell were you? The arcade closed like 30 minutes ago. Did you forget about us?” Dustin started to interrogate Steve while everyone quickly climbed into the car, it was always funny to see Dustin like this, he thinks he’s tough and can get answers out of people but he honestly couldn’t hurt a tadpole. Steve never felt intimidated by any of the kids, only their parents but this time he felt nervous. He was almost an hour late and he didn’t come up with any excuse until he was put on the spot. 

“I.. uh” Steve was scrambling his brain to think of an excuse “I was napping, i didn’t set an alarm. Sorry about that guys.” He didn’t look at any of the kids while he said this and his voice sure wasn’t convincing. Jesus, could he sell himself out any faster?

“Mhm, okay” Lucas teased, Steve knew they all saw right through that excuse. Will and Mike both started giggling in the back. Dustin looked at Steve “Wait a sec.. Steve?” Dustin asked in a tone that Steve couldn’t exactly tell what he was going to ask. Steve looked over at Dustin “Yeah?”

“Are those hickies?” Dustin could barely finish the sentence but when he did he started laughing his ass off, the rest of the party joined in. Steve went completely red, he forgot about checking if Billy left any marks and now he doesn’t have to. Steve joined in with the laughter nervously so he could play it off. He didn’t want to look nervous, there was nothing to be nervous about. Steve was hoping that any of the kids, especially Dustin didn’t pick up on anything and asks questions. Thankfully the rest of the car ride was about some high score Max broke earlier and not about Steve.

Steve dropped off everyone expect for Dustin. “Hey, man i’m sorry again about being so late I-” Dustin interrupted with a laugh. 

“It’s no big deal and i don’t mind” Dustin smiled at him as if he was trying to hint what Steve was doing earlier. 

“Well, thanks man but I think your mom will. Look, if she decides she wants some other teenager to drive you guys around then-”

“Steve.” Dustin was now giving him a confused but kind look. “I would never let my mom make be get a different babysitter” Dustin chuckled softly and then gained a more serious look “I can’t stand the thought of losing you, neither can the rest of the party. You know about the upside down and you can protect us but most importantly you’re cool as shit”.

“Hey! Language.” Steve laughed “Thanks man. I mean it, and if that is the case then i’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“You better not be” Dustin tried to give a threatening tone and look, “Goodnight man”

“Night”

Steve drove off with a big smile on his face, he actually meant something to them. The party, Dustin. He always protested the idea of them even caring about him but now that he knows it makes him feel good about himself and where he’s at. He was tried of second guessing what people said or did to him, if they said they cared then why should he doubt them? Steve doesn’t care if the group was a bunch of middle schoolers, they made him happy. Steve softly chuckled at remembering ‘..most importantly you’re cool as shit’, yeah kid so are you.


	4. What happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t touch me”  
> Beta loserleigh  
> -  
> Uhhhh sorry for that 2 month gap but i’m back! For now lol

Billy is shivering, no, shaking as he walks through the forest. He knows it was a terrible idea to run into the woods, let alone away from his father. He managed to bolt out of his window the second Neil left the room, so quick that he didn’t even think about grabbing his keys or even his fucking shoes.

“Fuck” Billy mutters as he continues stepping on the thin layer of snow. His bare feet are freezing, they are burning. Billy’s pulse quickens and his mind starts racing. His dad hasn’t hit him since the night at the Byers, he hasn’t kicked him since Cali. He thought he was doing better. He thought he was better. He cleaned up his act, always did what he was told with no questions or attitude. It was his fault, It had to be. What did he do? Why could he never catch a break? Why was he never worthy of his father’s approval? Did he even love him..? No.

He doesn’t realize he is crying until he can feel hot streams rolling down his cheek, he doesn’t even bother wiping them away. He couldn’t have.. known about Steve… could he? No. There’s no way, he would have called him a faggot if he did. Billy grimaced just thinking about the word. Maybe he could feel it, somehow sense that Billy was messing around with another boy.. again. Billy stops in his tracks and squeezes his eyes shut. There’s no way. He can’t know… he won't… not this time. It’s impossible, it has to be something else Billy did. It has to be. What was it? 

Billy’s breaths are getting shorter and faster, his chest feels like it is being crushed and his knees are feeling weak. For a moment he completely forgets about how cold he is, how cold his feet are and starts sobbing. He is immediately reminded of the cold when his knees meet the untouched snow in front of him. He’s sobbing. He curls up into a ball and sobs harder. He’s a screwup. He wasn’t worth anything, to anyone. His father would be happy if he left right now or even dropped dead. He’s fucking useless. What better of having a fucked up son than having a queer son, he’s surprised Neil hasn’t killed him himself. 

Billy slowly stops crying and rolls onto his side. His breaths slowed down and are back to normal, or maybe even slower than normal. He sighs, watching the heat from his breath rise he notices that it’s snowing. Maybe this is a good thing. He could just lay here, fall asleep and never wake up again. It’s not like anyone was going to miss him. Sure, maybe Steve might care at least a little bit but they’ve only made out once. That doesn’t mean shit.

Just as Billy starts to close his eyes he notices a dark figure approach him. Fuck. He seriously didn’t want anyone to find him, to see the mess of himself or to see their pity. He slowly gets up to sit when he realizes that figure is standing over him. He looks up to try to see who it is in the moonlight to see that it’s a child. Well, not exactly a child but not yet a teen, most likely near Max’s age. He quickly pushes himself onto his feet but it takes a bit more effort than he expected, weak on his feet as he turns and starts to walk away from the kid.

“Jane.” 

Billy whips his head around. “Huh?”

“I’m Jane” There is a short pause before she sticks out her hand, offering it to shake.

Billy turns back around and grabs Jane’s hand, giving it a weak shake. “Billy”

“You’re freezing” Her expression twists into a sorry and worrying look.

Billy looks away from her face while taking back his hand and wrapping his arm back around himself. 

“Yeah.” Billy tries to laugh or scoff but it just sounds like a weak cough. He doesn't know what to say.

“Home.” 

Billy looks back at Jane with a tight side smile and sad eyes. “Look, I don’t-”

“My home.” Jane looks up at Billy with a soft smile. She takes off her hat and gloves and holds them out for him to grab.

Billy didn’t move, he’s confused. Was this just some weird kidnap bait? Who the fuck was this kid? Why is she being nice to some random stranger in the forest at night? Why him? If she knew him at all she would probably just leave him out to die like everyone else. 

He doesn’t necessarily want to die. He just wants to disappear, to completely restart. There was a weird pressure in his chest when he thought that he doesn’t even deserve that. Hell, he might not even deserve to have a home, or whatever he had that resembled a home. His ‘home’ here didn’t feel like a home. Home is supposed to feel safe.

“It’s safe” Jane pushes her hand that held her hat and gloves out to him again, hoping that this time Billy would take it.

Billy was trying to give her a neutral look so she couldn’t read him, but it clearly didn’t work. Billy looks at her with a baffled expression, it’s as if she’s read his mind, but he quickly throws that idea away because it's completely irrational. Maybe this kid was good and wanted to help. Fine. Billy would like to think that he should just give up and not care but it was a nice feeling to have someone trying to be nice and caring towards him. He took the hat and gloves and quickly putting them on. They fit. These are gloves of a man. What? Can random girls in the forest not have fathers? Or even fathers that take care of them? 

With that Jane took off her oversized coat and handed it over to Billy. Billy offered a questioning look but she looked like she wouldn’t be persuaded to keep it. As soon as Billy put on the coat and opened his mouth to say thank you, Jane grabbed his hand and started walking, dragging him further into the forest. Where the fuck did this kid live?

-

“No!... No!.. No!” Steve violently shot awake, sitting up and kicking his legs in various directions trying to break free from his sheets. Steve looked around his dark and empty bedroom, realizing he was just dreaming, he calmed down and fell back onto his pillow. Steve was breathing heavily and was covered in cold sweat. He hasn’t had that bad of a nightmare since after the night in November. Steve doesn’t remember the majority of his nightmares but he always remembers what woke him up. The most common theme was that he was being chased by the Demogorgon or demodogs and woke up right before being attacked. 

He’s never had a nightmare about Billy before.

This time Steve remembered all of it. It was a memory of the previous day with Billy at the quarry, but this time it took a dark turn. Steve was going to kiss Billy for the first time on the hood of his car, but he wasn’t met with Billy’s soft lips, he was met with Billy’s hard fist. Everything happened so fast. Billy started yelling at him, throwing slurs left and right, picking Steve up off of the hood of the car by his collar and guiding him to the edge of the cliff. Steve couldn’t move, he wanted to run, wanted to look away from his face but he was frozen. Steve was staring into Billy’s eyes as he pushed him off the cliff. The last thing that he saw were those fucking eyes.

Steve sighed while trying to gather his thoughts. That wasn’t Billy. Billy didn’t do that. Billy was actually nice to him yesterday, so why did he dream of that? Why did it feel so real? He dreamt of his biggest fear, rejection. The ugly kind. Steve tried to only think of what actually happened and smiled. Billy wanted him back. Billy wasn’t rushing to try and get off and ditch him, he was enjoying kissing, just as much as Steve. Yeah, just a dream. He was so happy that it was just a dream.

-

When Steve got to school that morning he was hoping to see Billy, even though he had no idea how they would interact. Would it be awkward? Cold? Or comfortable and warm? Steve was hoping it would be nice, he just wanted to see him but he was nowhere to be found. The classic Camaro wasn’t anywhere in the parking lot and Billy wasn’t standing outside smoking before class like he usually was. Was he hiding from Steve? Did he think he made a mistake and was avoiding him? No, he’s probably staying home sick today. The bell rang for first period, reminding Steve that he was here school, not Billy. 

The first two periods are incredibly slow, he was constantly distracted by the memory of Billy’s lips on his neck. The way he kissed a line from his jaw to his-

The bell startled Steve out of his thoughts as well as his desk. All the students around him started to rush out of the classroom to lunch. Steve would be excited but he just wants to see Billy, to talk to him again. About anything, about last night.

Steve never stopped sitting with Nancy with lunch, it was awkward at first when Jonathan joined the table but Steve tried his hardest to keep everything friendly. He didn’t feel like losing the only people that resembled some sort of friendship, even though he is fully aware he’s the third wheel. 

The lunch that day was nothing special but he wouldn’t say it was ‘awful’ like everyone else, maybe he’s just not that picky of an eater. While Nancy and Jonathan were complaining over the food choices Steve was far away still daydreaming over how Billy pinned him down in his own backseat. 

“Steve?” 

Steve snapped his head to look at Nancy “Hmm?”

Jonathan and Nancy started to softly chuckle while looking back at each other.

“What?”

“Have some fun last night?” Jonathan’s laugher interrupting his words.

Steve was confused. He tried to look around the lunch room to see if anyone else was laughing or was overhearing the conversation. When Steve looked back at the both of them he tried to follow their eyesight. Their eyes were staring at his.. neck. Oh..

“Oh.” Steve quickly popped up his color of his shirt and pulled it tight around his neck. He looked away and started to blush.  
“Um” Steve cleared his throat. “Yeah.. maybe..” Steve was turning into a tomato.

“What’s her name?” Jonathan teased 

Oh. Steve turned back at Jonathan with a surprised face and then quickly tried to hide behind a neutral expression. Steve swolled. He didn’t think about a cover story, he didn’t think about people being able to see what Billy left him. God he’s so stupid, he should have covered it up.

“Uh, no one. Nobody. I don’t think you guys know em, them.” Steve tried his hardest not to stumble over his words but he honestly looked like a flustered idiot.

“Mmhmm” Nancy and Jonathan both said at the same time.

“Besides, it’s not that big of a deal.” Steve paused and looked away. “Probably just a one time thing” Steve felt sad thinking that may be the case. Wait, no, didn’t Billy say that he owed him a rain check? He softly smiled.

“Yeah okay, a one time thing. Suure.” Jonathan teased. Steve was grateful they weren’t teasing for the name.

Steve quickly picked up a fry off of his plate and threw it at Jonathan laughing. 

“Did you hear about Billy?” Nancy said after a minute of silence.

Steve choked on the milk he was drinking. He quickly wiped his mouth while gaining raised eyebrows by Jonathan and Nancy.

“Uh. What about him?” 

“He apologized to Max and Lucas, well separately but still.”

“Oh?” Steve almost sighed in relief.

“Yeah, Will told me told me last night, he did it in front of all the kids too.”

“Hmm” Steve hummed in acknowledgment and looking back down to his now empty plate.

“Didn’t he apologize to you too?” Nancy quickly added

“Yeah, uh, the night of the snowball.” Steve didn’t meet their eyes.

“I wonder what took so long for him to apologize to the kids.” Jonathan directed the question at Steve as if he knew something he didn’t.

Steve shrugged “I don’t know”

Almost on cue Billy walked past their table. Steve quickly looked up and his eyes followed Billy walk out the side door leading outside.

“Speak of the devil.” Nancy kept her voice down. “You didn’t actually accept his apology, did you Steve?” 

“Uh..”

The bell for third period rang. Thank god Steve thought. He didn’t want to talk about Billy with them. He didn’t want to talk about Billy at all, he wanted to talk to him.

“I guess I’ll cya guys later” Steve quickly put in his jacket on and slung his backpack over one shoulder. He picked up his paper tray and made a b-line to the exit without waiting for a response from Jonathan or Nancy.

It was colder outside than he expected but that wasn’t what he was focusing on. He looked around and didn’t see a sign of Billy. Steve turned the corner to the back of the building and stopped in his tracks.

“Billy?” Steve practically whispered.

Billy was leaning against the brick wall while smoking a cigarette, he seemed perfectly fine until he looked over at Steve to show him that he was sporting a nasty black eye.

Steve quickly moved his feet and reached out to grab Billy’s shoulder but his hand was quickly hit away.

“Don’t touch me” Billy couldn’t look Steve in the eye.

“Are you okay?” Steve didn’t know what to do with his hands so he just stuffed them into his jacket pockets.

“Like you’d care”

“What?” Steve was dumbfounded “Billy you’re hurt, why would I not care?”

Steve stepped closer to billy “What happened? Who did this to you?”

“You need to start minding your own fucking business” Billy pushed himself off the wall and threw his cigarette down on the ground to put it out with his boot. “Fuck off”.

Billy is back. The Billy he first met. The Billy that beat his face in not long ago.

“I-“

“I said fuck off Harrington.” Billy looked up at Steve and pushed him with one hand. He didn’t shove him hard enough where Steve would fall back but he did have to catch his balance.

“I just wanted to talk” Steve put his hands up in defense.

“Yeah, Is that so? Talk about what then? Hmm?”

“Last night”

Billy looked away and scoffed. “Last night didn’t mean shit.”

“But-“

Billy locked back into Steve’s eyes. 

“But what? Did you actually believe that I’d fool around with someone like you? A guy? I don’t know Harrington but last time I checked i’m not a fucking queer. It was a one time thing, trust me.”

“Billy-“ Steve reached out to grab Billy’s arm “Hey man you don’t-“

“I said fuck off” Billy shoved Steve a lot harder this time, making him fly back a few feet and barley staying upright.

“Get the hell out of here before I tell the whole school where you tried to get your dick wet.” 

Steve couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move, what happened? How can someone just flip and change into a completely different person in a blink of an eye? Steve looked away from Billy’s eyes, he looked so angry, his eyes were so cruel. They reminded him of Billy’s eyes in his dream. He didn’t want to cry in front of Billy, he didn’t want to cry in general. He couldn’t help it, before the first tear started to form Steve rushed past Billy and walked straight to the parking lot. Without looking back he quickly unlocked his car and drove off.  
It was over before it even started.

He knew things finally looking up was too good to be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lowkey got lazy but hey i’m proud I actually finished a chapter:)


End file.
